On this week’s episode of The Un-Titled Movie Podcast With Ron & Craig, the boys sit down to watch some early Tim Burton insanity with Beetlejuice! It’s Batman versus The Shadow and The World’s Greatest Female Baseball Player with the fate of Mina Harker at stake! We discuss everything from the weird wardrobe choices (even weird for a Tim Burton flick), to how truly strange the plot is (child bride anyone?). It’s our final movie for ScOctober , so join us as we get quirky…so…friggin’…
Ok folks, so normally I have some kind of semi-interesting rant to throw at y’all so you can kill a few minutes while you’re on the toilet at work, hoping to god that Mark from management doesn’t realize that you’re daily late-morning poop isn’t your “IBS acting up again”. You don’t want him to know that your bowels are anything but irritable; that the only thing about you that acts up is your desire to miss work; that your willingness to sit on a toilet seat that you know for a fact only gets cleaned once a week outweighs your desire to pursue the career that your parents spent their life’s savings sending you to college to prepare for! So yeah…I write stuff sometimes and maybe you read it, and today I’m going to write some stuff that has even less substance than usual. Basically, I have nothing really to say about Beetlejuice that I didn’t already say in our episode about it, so I’m going to ramble about how I think 1980s Tim Burton spent his creative mornings for a few paragraphs. If that doesn’t appeal to you, then stop reading right now, because that’s literally all you’re about to get. Prepare for a face full of whimsy!
He is awoken from a deep sleep by the sound of his living alarm clock, which is made up of four pink flamingos painted black, squawking into the open ends of eight saxophones. He hops off of his hypnosis swirl shaped bed wearing pajamas cut to resemble the exact outfit that Pee Wee Herman always wears and slides his feet into a pair of slippers shaped like triangles, which he of course wears so that the triangles would appear with the points at right angles from his body. He then exits his S-Shaped bedroom and enters directly into a Rube-Goldberg device that functions to brush his teeth and comb his hair. It features, amongst other things, a plunger, a leaf blower, and multiple chipmunks both live and taxidermized. The machine drops him directly in front of his breakfast table, where he immediately, and despite his freshly brushed teeth, drinks a glass of orange juice and begins to eat his meal of half-toasted bread, coffee that he inhales as a mist, and Goozlefowl eggs. A Goozlefowl egg is just a standard chicken egg that his staff paints oblong dots on and tells him they harvested from the deepest jungles of Madagascar.
Now that he’s all full of food and hopped up on caffeine-air, he begins to walk the halls of his home, which is of course shaped like a dandelion. Whilst walking the home and it’s dandelion-garden (which is shaped like a home), he is followed around by Danny Elfman wearing a “One Man Band” suit. He has him on retainer so as to have someone constantly playing the most whimsical freaking music possible whenever he needs inspiration. He dictates his thoughts on his next project in Chinese to a stenographer riding a unicycle. The stenographer of course speaks Chinese…but is deaf in her left ear.
I’m of course making this all up, so no one sue me for having fun. Seriously though, this is what I picture his process to have been. It’s the same now in my mind, except with way more Johnny Depp, which means way more bracelets and wine.