Yippie Kai Yay Podcast Fans!! For Christmas 2018, we conclude Christmas-Tober with the greatest gift the world has ever been given, the greatest action movie ever, and the most Christmasy -Christmas Movie that ever Christmassed. Yes folks, on this week’s episode of The Un-Titled Movie Podcast we’re talking about Die Hard!!!! No other words need to be said, it’s Die Hard, listen to the show, it’s the best. However, I do have one gripe on this lovely Christmas morning, so read on and get my rant…
Christmas isn’t sexy. Let’s get that straight right now. I’m not some ultra-religious, never seen a porn flick, grabs chest and says “Oh My!” when a woman in a skirt walks by, a-hole from 1940s Alabama. I’m a middle-aged dude from New York who has seen some things and done some things, so my opinion is informed and objective. It remains though: Christmas isn’t sexy. So, let’s cut it out with the “Santa with Abs” and “Sexy Rudoplh” costumes. That stuff is for little kids to enjoy, not for you to stuff your push-up bras and codpieces into so that you can get horned up with your buddies and ruin Christmas for some five year old who happens to walk by you on the street. Also, stop with the Santa Bar Crawls. This stuff isn’t for you, leave it alone and go get drunk and into costume on Halloween or any other day of the year that isn’t ostensibly about either little kids getting presents and/or The Messiah. I have more to say, but I have to go enjoy the holiday with a small child who is wearing a reindeer outfit that a 19 year old co-ed shouldn’t be wearing with booty shorts to impress Brad from Sigma Phi. You wanna dress up? Dress up in a way that little kids would enjoy, not to show off your gym gains bro. You’re all the worst. Yet you’re all still the best and I love you all, because it’s a family holiday! Now get off my lawn or I’m keeping your frisbee!
On this week’s episode, we present out annual No Cursing Family Spectacular! We’re talking about A Charlie Brown Christmas in our second installment of Christmas-Tober: The Beginning of the Middle! A great time is had by all as we very tiredly discuss everything from Snoopy’s skills as a musician, to Lucy’s psychiatric qualifications, to what’s really going on at home with Pig-Pen. Also, one of us breaks the oath and drops a curse word! Takes bets on who it is, gamble with your whole family, and enjoy the episode!
On this week’s episode we’re shooting the poop on 1994’s The Ref. Yes folks, we’re kicking off Christmas-Tober: The Return To The Re-Revenge with a Christmas classic that features prime A-Hole Era Denis Leary, 90s Final Form Judy Davis, and Kevin Spacey before we all realized he’s a dumpster person. What a movie! Ron loves it! Craig…definitely watched it! Also, we’re both half-awake and sick for the entirety of this one, so be on the look out for coughing, Craig kind of falling asleep, and an overall horrible attitude from the both of us! Is this our final downfall? No, screw you for doubting us. Also nuts to each and every one of you who thinks that this isn’t a Christmas movie.
Look, as you’ll hear during the episode, I’m not a fan of this flick. It seems like something I should like, but it doesn’t really speak to me because it’s too nihilistic and the arc doesn’t make much sense. However, that doesn’t mean it’s not a Christmas flick. I will address this in a more creative form when we do Die Hard, but for now I will just point this out: Most people have dumb views on what makes a “Christmas Movie”. Every year I run into folks out there in the world who tell me what is and isn’t a Christmas movie, and basically they all seem to think that if there isn’t a talking snowman, a fat chimney sneaker, or a reindeer with a glow-snout; then it’s not Christmas. Well you’re wrong and your breath is probably bad. So what do I think makes a Christmas movie? I will give you a simple answer and an even more simple answer. I will do it in list form to save you the trouble of making sense of my horrid paragraph structure.
Answer 1: If it takes place on or around Christmas, and Christmas itself has something to do with the plot, it’s a Christmas movie. It’s just that simple.
Answer 2: Whatever the hell you watch on Christmas, if you watch it every Christmas, is your Christmas movie. If whenever you think of it, you think of Christmas, it’s yours. That’s it, that’s all.
So folks, it’s the holiday season, go out there and watch your favorite flicks, or shows, or whatever. Enjoy them all and know that at least one idiot respects your tradition. Be good to each other.