The Un-Titled Movie Podcast With Ron & Craig #17: Necessary Roughness

necessary roughness podcast

On this weeks episode of The Un-Titled Movie Podcast, we get to revisit one of our all-time favorite movies that no one has ever heard of, but the two of us can quote all day long, Necessary Roughness. . It’s Scott Bakula from Quantum Leap, Jason Bateman from Arrested Development, The Ozarks, and The Hogan Family, and Sinbad from…being Sinbad; all throwing on the pads and hitting the gridiron for some early 90s college football hijinks. It’s as dumb as it sounds, but somehow still manages to be one of our favorite sports movies, so check it out with us!

So as I said above, Necessary Roughness stars Scott Bakula, a personal favorite of ours for his work as Dr. Samuel Beckett on the amazing sci-fi/drama classic that was Quantum Leap. For the few of you who don’t know, Quantum Leap centered around Dr. Beckett’s traveling through time via “Leaping” in and out of other people’s bodies. The purpose of his travels (his leaps) was to right some sort of wrong that the person he took over could directly affect. He’d save people’s lives in Vietnam; he’d take over an African America chauffeur and make strides in the Civil Rights Movement; he’s leap into a woman and strike back against chauvinism. It was a great show, and it sometimes made it hard to believe Bakula in any other role. Not because his acting was poor, because I wasn’t (dude has talent), it was that my brain always just kind of assumed that whatever character he was playing was just Dr. Sam Beckett leaping into someone else. Is this crazy? Maybe, but it doesn’t mean that I’m wrong. So let’s live in a world where the scene when he usually goes “Oh Boy” whilst looking in the mirror (it happened on literally every episode of the show) was edited out, and Paul Blake was just another leap. Let’s live in a world where as soon as the end credits begin to roll, Beckett leaps out of Blake and moves onto his next adventure. In that world, we ask this question: Who was Sam sent to help?

(From this moment forth, let’s assume that you understand how Quantum Leap works, and that you’ve seen Necessary Roughness. That way I can stop explaining everything so much. Okay? Cool.)

The Texas State Fighting Armadillos are a damned mess, so there’s no shortage of people on and around the squad who could’ve needed Sam’s help. Let’s not forget that sometimes Sam leaped in order to help someone he barely interacted with. He was able to influence events from both up close and from afar; this makes the possibilities here nearly endless. He could’ve been sent back for any number of the following reasons:

  • To teach Edison the value of hard work so that he could someday take over his father’s business and run it in a less ruthless manner. By simply forcing him to study for his test and pass, then by dragging him to victory in that one game, perhaps he taught him that life is better when you earn your victories. Edison was rich, now he was benevolent, Sam could’ve done this.
  • To get Andre Krimm to come out of retirement to play one last season and get seen by an NFL scout. Krimm showed up with zero playing time in at least a few years and was able to walk into a Division 1 game and contribute. Scouts had to come calling.
  • To help Featherstone become friggin’ Odell Beckham after catching that one damned ball. I mean, the guy went from being basically un-covered by anyone in the secondary to being triple covered by a corner, a safety, and linebacker. Blake’s throw changed his life.
  • To get Dean Elias to quit his evil ways? He seems to have learned some sort of lesson at the end…or is at least now depressed enough to allow a stuffed armadillo cowboy to put a fake bullet in his head. For a man that seems to have some sort of university pedigree, that’s pretty low. Maybe after he’s murdered in effigy (probably not using that right, but it sounds good), he changes his life and gets a job working with inner-city youth. Maybe he teaches them Capoeira, the Brazilian art of dance-fighting? Maybe this is a secret prequel to Only The Strong. I just hope that Dr. Sam Beckett helped him find his Ba Na Na way. The one person that got that joke is laughing really hard right now…the rest of you can go screw.
  • To make Rob Schneider’s character famous? Maybe calling the biggest upset in NCAA Football history gets his name out there and people are impressed with the whole “fumba-ly-a” thing. It’s not that far off from what most people from ESPN did from like 1995 til forever…except for Stuart Scott, that man was a damned national treasure and witticist for the ages. God rest his awesome soul.
  • Settle the age old feud between military close-quarters combat and whatever martial art Samurai Hanson practiced? I don’t think that this is a real feud, but hey, that’s Paul Giamatti’s brother playing Sarge!
  • To get Manu-Manu to finally have his moment of glory and thus win the affections of Lucy the kicker? She smooched him at the end and it was one of the main closing shots of the flick, so that makes it a strong candidate. Plus, it’s right up Dr. Beckett’s alley to bring two star-crossed lovers from different walks of life together. Although, by that logic, his reason for leaping could’ve been to bring Edison and Krimm together.
  • To get Wally Rigendorf his first victory as a head coach and thus start what will surely be a hall of fame career. After all, Ed Genaro said it, he’s been ready for a long time!

I personally like the last one the best because the movie basically gives Robert Loggia’s character the second most plot and character development behind Paul Blake. Plus he goes off to find Blake in the beginning, connecting the two from the start of the story. I imagine in the original timeline, Wally got Paul to play but the team never won a game and Wally not only lost his first and what would be only chance at head coaching, but looked like a fool for bringing in Blake to begin with. His life tanked and he ended up taking that job in England.

Look folks, I don’t know for sure why Dr. Sam Beckett leaped into Paul Blake, Arm of The Armadillos, but seeing as how my life isn’t that bad these days, I’m glad that he changed whatever it is that he changed. So as I do every night after I say my prayers, let me thank Dr. Becket, wherever he may be…whenever he may be, for sacrificing his life for the rest of us. Thank you for beating Texas, thank you for saving Jackie O, and most of all, thank you for Sinbad!

 

The Un-Titled Movie Podcast With Ron & Craig #15: The Frighteners

the frighteners nostalgia movie podcast

On this week’s episode of The Un-Titled Movie Podcast With Ron & Craig, we continue ScOctober: The Reckoning with Peter Jackson’s The Frighteners. We watch one of the most WTF flicks we’ve ever done on the show and lose our minds with anger as we try to understand what the hell we’re watching! It’s a very “You got your jelly in my peanut butter! You got your peanut butter in my jelly!” situation…except instead of delicious sandwich spreads, we’re watching someone try to combine a zany Tim Burton flick with an epic Robert Zemeckis movie, with mass killings and post-mortem sexual assault! It’s a real treat for the eyes and the soul. By “treat’’ I mean “I wanted to hide under the bed and sob whilst angrily punching a Japanese love-pillow with Kickboxer-style glass fists the entire time I was watching it because I found it so confusing and so scattershot in its delivery”. Yeah as you can tell, I really dug this movie! Is it the movie’s fault though? Or was I just mislead by the marketing when I was a kiddo?  The world may never know, and I will never know if I would’ve enjoyed this flick more if I didn’t think that it was a laugh-out-loud horror-comedy that would harken back to the days of Ghostbusters and Back To The Future, only to be shocked and annoyed by the ghost-rape, cult references, and complete lack of anything funny after the first fifteen minutes…did I mention the mass-killing?

Anyhow, the point is that I didn’t really enjoy this movie the first time I saw it and disliked it even more on my most recent viewing, and that might be the marketing’s fault, because you never get another chance to create and fulfill the expectations of a first viewing. This has happened to me before, more than once, with the most ready example being The Way Of The Gun.

Let’s start off by saying this: I dig the hell out of The Way Of The Gun. It’s written and directed by Christopher McQuarrie (The Usual Suspects, Mission Impossible: Fallout, and you know, winning a friggin’ Academy Award), it’s got some sweet Benicio Del Toro action, James Caan, Taye Diggs, Juliette Lewis, and is the only reason I began to realize that Ryan Phillipe is talented. It’s also a damned poem of a movie that features cool dialogue, great music, and is all slick and tone and mood. It’s like a lesson in cool, I heart it. However, I didn’t at first, and that’s why my friends and I walked out of the theatre the first time I tried to watch it. Yeah that’s right, I walked out of a movie; something I’d never done before and I haven’t done since. I saw Master Of Disguise and The Last Jedi in the theatre and got all the way through; I was that serious, and it’s all the marketing’s fault.

I remember it like it was yesterday, the trailers that were blasted all over MTV in the weeks before its release. They featured rock music (Incubus, when I liked Incubus…like way more than anyone should like Incubus), comedy beats (Ryan Phillipe jumping into the empty fountain and getting hurt), and a ton of action. Plus, it’s a movie called The Way of The Gun, it had to be an action-comedy! It was going to be huge! I bought tickets in advance! I made my friends all come with me because it looked like literally the best thing ever!

We got the theatre and I was shocked at how empty it was. It was the old Bayside Quad on Bell Boulevard in Queens (New York), and I had expected such a small theater to be packed to the gills with people waiting to enjoy the next 48hrs, Midnight Run, or Beverly Hills Cop; the second coming of Point Break or Die Hard. Nevertheless, I munched some popcorn and waited to have my life changed.

Thirty minutes later I was walking to the car, having left an empty theater because my friends and I hadn’t signed up for this “slow burn” crap. I didn’t know what I was seeing because I was so ill-prepared for the film I was being shown. How could I appreciate something so nuanced and deliberate when I was being told I was going to watch a shoot-em-up with laugh out loud moments? I didn’t watch the movie all the way through until a couple of years later, and didn’t really fully appreciate it until a couple of years and a few re-watches after that. It was a tragedy of cinematic enjoyment, and it’s one of my strongest memories of advertising setting me up for failure…at least when it comes to movies; the toy companies were running this gambit on me for years when I was a kid; so much so that they created laws against certain types of false advertising to protect my generation from being swindled.

There’s been plenty of other instances where movie marketing tricked me into watching something for the wrong reasons. Anyone remember Find Me Guilty? It was marketed as a comedy about a whacky mobster who (*record scratch*) defends himself in court! There was going to be My Cousin Vinny style courtroom hijinks, Italian stereotypes, and a boat load of cliché jokes about pasta and meatballs and grandma’s sauce. Even the box for the DVD had Vin Diesel shrugging his shoulders at the viewer while a bunch of Mafiasos in loud suits made funny faces in the background. I rented it ready to enjoy two hours of goofy lasagna jokes, but what I got was a serious courtroom drama! I hated it! It’s got some solid reviews on IMDB and Rotten Tomatoes, so it’s probably not bad for what it is, but it was a terrible comedy and that’s what I signed up for. This was a legit flick with big stars too, not some Asylum Production called The Quick And The Angry about race cars, it was directed by the guy who made friggin’ Serpico! I expect some honesty in the marketing!

Unfortunately, even as trailers have become something you look up on YouTube after reading a blog post about a movie you hears about on a website a year before, video stores have ceased to exist, and DVD covers only exist in Walmarts and Amazon fulfillment centers, the trend of lying to the audience through film marketing continues. Whether it’s the thumbnail on Netflix pretending that Bruce Willis is in more than five minutes of some cop-flick that actually stars a lesser-known Wahlberg, or a trailer showing the only funny parts of Steve Carrell movie that’s actually super-depressing (I’m making these examples up, but I’m sure there’s some accidental accuracy in them), the marketing departments for most film releases could care less about giving us an accurate depiction of what movie we are getting ourselves into. Some would say that you can’t blame them because it’s their job to show us only the best from what they’re promoting. Others would say that I’m a moron who expects trailers that say “This movie sucks and you shouldn’t watch it because it’s not going to give you what you’re looking for”. I say screw all of that. If a movie sucks and someone pays you to show that it doesn’t, show me a trailer with only the good parts, sure, but show me a trailer that’s at least honest about what genre of film we’re watching. If you can only afford to have John Malkovich on set for two days, put his name on the poster, but at least put “And Featuring” before his name so I know that he’s not running the show. You don’t have to judge the quality of the movie for me, I can do that for myself, just don’t lie to me! Don’t give me false expectations, and maybe I won’t hate your movie when it doesn’t reach those expectations. Most people decide on what to watch from a check on Rotten Tomatoes, so it’s not doing you any favors to have  bunch of negative reviews floating around because you promised comedy but delivered tragedy.

I have plenty of other gripes to make about trailers, but I will save those for another day. For now, just remember that you’re probably better off going into a movie having only read the logline and knowing if you enjoy the work of the people involved. Try it sometime, you can’t be let down if you don’t really have expectations. End Rant.

 

BONUS Random Train of Thought:

“The Lesser Known Wahlbergs” sounds like the name of a band that would sing the track from the trailer for a movie starring Rachel Leigh Cook and Giovanni Ribisi as teenagers who work in a supermarket and have a quirky romance during a summer power outage that traps them in the store.

I just remembered whilst writing this that in Gone In 60 Seconds there’s a character named ”Freb”. Chi McBride is also in that flick, hence the train of thought.  So yeah, Freb…welcome to the early 2000s.

Also, whenever I think of the name ”McBride” I think of Marty’s boss mispronouncing his name in Back To The Future 2 and Sab Shimono trying to say “McBride Trail” in The Big Hit

We will be covering The Big Hit someday. Screw you, I love that movie.

Finally, Sab Shimono was in Gung-Ho¸and I’ve heard people say that said movie is racist. While it’s not the most culturally sensitive thing ever created, I have to argue and always will say that it’s not at all racist against its Japanese characters. Instead, at least through my current lens (30 years after the fact), I see it as more of a comment on how crappy Americans can be at allowing outsiders to assimilate into their culture. Anyhow, I dig that movie, and the final message is that we can all learn from each other, if it takes an exaggerated group of Japanese men soaking in a lake and George Wendt being an ugly American to get there…so be it.

The Un-Titled Movie Podcast With Ron & Craig #13: Bloodsport (With A Bonus Blog!)

nostalgia movie podcast

On this week’s episode, we talk about the 1988 martial arts classic Bloodsport. This is the movie that started it all for mixed martial arts, Van Damme, and for our very own Craig! The amount of kicks our beloved co-host took to the face in tribute to this flick is astounding! So on this episode we find out how this flick came together, how Van Damme got his start, and how weirdly obsessed the boys are with a movie that features Ogre from Revenge Of The Nerds almost getting killed by friggin’ Bolo!  Also this week we try to give you a little more bang for your buck, so scroll down for a little side rant about why we need more Bloodsport in or lives!

Did you scroll? I hope so, because I have a point to make!

So, as I was sitting down to post this show, I was thinking about what else I could possibly want to say in my companion blog. After all, I rambled on like a jag-goon for most of the episode. Then I saw a commercial for the latest thing from the people behind the The Purge franchise and got hit with an important realization: the world needs more Bloodsport. Now I have no problem with The Purge  existing, I’m sure that it’s fine content for its target audience; it’s just that I’m not that audience, and there’s a lot of people like me out there who are tired of everything being so damned dark. Just…so…dark. So nihilistic. So ugly. I get it, the world is a bad place and we need to confront the blah blah blah blah I WANT TO CHEER FOR SOMETHING! I know that the world can suck, my family split up when I was a kid and my father was sick and then dead before my nineteenth birthday. I’ve experienced pain, loss, rejection, being poor, depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, and most other garbage feelings one can have. I’m not bragging by any means, nor am I trying to get emo street cred; everyone’s pain is theirs and no one’s is greater or less than. I’m just saying that I don’t want to lose faith in humanity every time I put on the damn television. So I want more Bloodsport. Why? Because I’m not too old for cartoons, but most cartoons are too young for me.

In our upcoming episode about The Monster Squad, we get into the idea of making grown-up movies for kids, and how great and timeless they can be. Well we need to also appreciate the flip-side of this: kids movies for adults. Bloodsport is a friggin’ cartoon for adults; where the hero is perfect, the sidekick is loyal, the bad guy is evil, and there’s really no in between. The good guy gets the girl, overcomes the odds to win, and his friend that he’s avenging turns out to be just fine. I like to even think that the bad guy serves some time for the murder he committed and then lives a reformed and happy life doing youth outreach. Maybe his “young boy” (it’s a Japanese pro-wrestling term for a young wrestler in training, put your keyboards down) is his son and they bond, or maybe it’s his damned lover and they open a gym together; I don’t care who they are to each other, so long as everyone is friggin’ happy in the end and Stan Bush plays over the credits. I want to smile at my movies, or at least know that there’s a steady stream of movies out there ready to make me smile!

So yeah, I want there to be more Bloodsport in this world, and don’t tell me that it’s violent and bad for me. I was raised by a retired marine, a speech therapist, the race track, and action movies; I turned out fine. Not only that, but I’m moral as all hell because I don’t want to let fictional Frank Dux or Major McCoy down. Maybe Red Weddings and Conjuring’s and Jigsaws are bad for people on a deeper level, but who cares, it entertains people, let em’ have it. It just doesn’t entertain me, I want to have heroes. I want my sports bloody, my forces delta-ed, my dragons entered or last, and my Vans to be Dammed. The world needs rain, but the world needs football too. End Rant.

Some Links to get you more into the truth behind Bloodsport:

Senzo Tanaka was a real guy?

History Vs. Hollywood: Bloodsport

A great write-up from Uproxx on the controversy behind the movie

 

The Un-Titled Movie Podcast With Ron & Craig #12: Made

nostalgia movie podcast

On this week’s episode of the podcast. we go a little less retro and seek a little less nostalgia than usual as we stay in this century with 2001’s Made. One of the most underrated comedies of the first part of the century, the boys saw this bad boy in the theater and have been quoting it ever since. It often gets forgotten because it was the team of Vince Vaughn and Jon Favreau’s first major collaboration since Swingers. Everyone who fell in love with the duo’s shtick in the famed L.A. dating movie took one look at Made and gave up. However, the boys would argue that Made is not only just as entertaining as its predecessor, but that it’s more quotable and provides just as good of a narrative. Did Swingers have more catch-phrases? Yes. However, Made sees its lines dropped way more in the circles we all run it. We will let you decide, as we dive head first into the mystery of how many Bobby Risiglianos there really are, find out just what happened to that carpet cleaning van, and decide once and for all if we’re tired of Vince Vaughn playing Vince Vaughn in his movies. It’s Made!

The Un-Titled Movie Podcast With Ron & Craig #10: Kindergarten Cop

nostalgia movie podcast

On this week’s episode of the Un-Titled movie podcast with Ron & Craig, we watch 1990’s Kindergarten Cop! We’ll discuss how a kid’s movie becomes a damned bloodbath, introduce our new weekly award, and try to figure out where the hell that ferret came from! Also, our usual technical difficulties… and oh yeah: RICHARD FRIGGIN’ TYSON! Find us iTunes and Stitcher and Spotify and Twitter and Facebook and MySpace!!! One of those isn’t real!

The Un-Titled Movie Podcast With Ron & Craig #9: My Cousin Vinny

nostalgia movie podcast my cousin vinny

On this week’s episode, we’re talking about the movie that the friggin’ American Bar Association voted one of the most accurate courtroom films ever! Nope, not 12 Angry Men, it’s just one angry Italian! That’s right, it’s 1992’s My Cousin Vinny! The movie that put Marisa Tomei on the map, gave us Ralph Macchio’s last stand for almost 30 years, and reminded us exactly how funny Joe Pesci really is. Also, Herman Munster! A true classic in both of our households, us two yutes had a great time talking about it, so we hope that you have a great time listening! You can also find us on iTunes, Spotify, and Stitcher!

 

The Un-Titled Movie Podcast With Ron & Craig #8: Independence Day

Is Randy Quaid crazy? What’s Harry Connick Jr.’s call sign? What did Zack Morris grow up to be? And most importantly: What the hell is that smell!?  We find out the answers to these questions, settle the “Earth Vs. Earf” debate, and welcome our first ever guest to the show! Hear all this and more…and encounter some technical difficulties as we discuss 1996’s Independence Day!

Joining us in the studio for this episode, which is totally not Ron’s basement, is our long time friend and brother in movie-love James. We’d be lying if we said that we got the microphone working perfectly, but he still is able to throw down some solid insight and take part in all of our normal idiocy! So strap in, get your victory dance ready, and tell my children I love them very much, because it’s time to fly straight into the primary weapon that is INDEPENDENCE DAY!

P.S. We released this episode on July 4th…I feel like that requires no further explanation.

The Rant Cast: Time Machine!

nostalgia movie podcast

On this episode of The Rant Cast, the boys talk about the top three movies they’d watch in the theater if they had a time machine. Yes, we understand that using a time machine to watch movies is a waste of resources, but we don’t want to do too much and end up with a world ruled by a Franken-Hitler or something similarly evil (Were-Mummies, Mecha-Stalins, etc). Anyhow, check it out, and don’t be afraid to hit us up and tell us what your Big Three would be!

Chapter 2: Killing Me Smallsly

youre killing me smalls

Ok folks, we made a slight blunder on this week’s episode of the podcast. Some would say we’ve made a huge blunder. Me? I’d have to say that we made a small blunder…a “Smalls” blunder, because in speaking about the amazing movie that is 1993’s The Sandlot, we forgot to mention perhaps the most famous line in the flick. Yeah kids, we got through an entire hour of talking about Benny The Jet, The Beast, and Squints without saying “You’re killing me Smalls!”. I couldn’t believe it myself when I heard it from our review committee, but it’s true. Now I know right now you’re asking, “How could you forget something we all consider nerd gospel you effin’ blasphemers!” and “How the hell do you have a review committee when you’ve only got like 15 listeners?”. Well, in reverse order, the answers are: it’s my wife and dog, and we just forgot…or did we?

Yeah man…we forgot, but maybe we forgot for a reason. Maybe on some subconscious level we didn’t mention it because we find it to be polarizing. By “We” I mean “Me, Craig”, because I know that Ron just forgot because he has a real job and handles all the technical aspects of the show and can’t be expected to always have perfect notes. So yeah, I find that damned quote to be a double-edged word-sword of sorts. When said by someone who I already know and enjoy, I find it to be a cute and inoffensive way to voice frustration. However, when uttered by someone I’ve just met, it makes me want to throw them in hole and cover the hole with leaves in hopes that others will later fall on them and cause them even greater harm; at the same time hoping that said following-fallers have both high BMIs and IBS, to make the situation both more painful and more dysentery-y. Understand? Of course not! I shall explain further.

So let’s say my partner in pod-ing and my brother in life Ron (also known as “Big Ron, The Hammer!”) was trying to teach me how to fix a toilet because I tried to flush a wrapped Big Mac down the poo-hole (we eat healthy in my house, sh*ts contraband!). Imagine that I kept trying to poke the wet-sammy further down the crap-shoot with the wrong end of the plunger, he might utter a playful “You’re killin’ me Smalls! Use the suction end and get that burgy outta there before it’s too wet to eat!”. In this scenario, Ron eats toilet-meats. This is what happens when I’m left in charge of our blog by the way, but I digress.  In this case, his usage was a very nice way to tell me to stop being a moron and learn to use a plunger. I know and love this guy, he had a point to prove without creating tension; no harm, no foul.

Now conversely, let’s say that I’ve just met a gentleman named “Skylar” or a lady who goes by…uhhh…well…yeah, “Skylar”. This person is wearing the shirt of a band that I like that they’ve never heard of, has hair that way too effort-fully effortless, and likes to tell you all about how they can eat donuts all the time because “it fits their macros”. At some point during our first meeting, after they’ve told me all about how into Crossfit they were before they “hurt their back”, they hit their fifth Borat quote or other terrible joke and I don’t laugh. Now they repeat the joke, and instead of telling them they aren’t funny, I act as if I just don’t get it. They express their frustration with me not getting said terrible joke by laughing at themselves again and saying…you guessed it, “You’re killing me Smalls!”. Now what I do in this situation is I politely smile whilst internally weeping at the bastardization of one of my childhood’s most iconic lines, pretend that my dead grandma is calling me, and escape further interaction. What I want to do in this situation? Remember that scene in A Clockwork Orange’ where they pried that dude’s eyes open and made him watch horrible videos of stuff I don’t remember because I don’t like that movie because it makes me sad? Yeah that, but instead of whatever Malcolm McDowell had to watch, it would be a collection of home videos of suburban kids rapping at middle-school talent shows. Then I’d commit something in their home that rhymes with “Birder”. Yes, I’d commit Turd-er; fill in the blanks for yourselves as to what that is. Also yes, birder is bird-murder; but that’s neither here nor there.

Are we seeing the difference here folks? Are we understanding my mixed feelings? Like many things in life, Smalls killing someone is a tool to be used sparingly and by the right person in the right situation.  It’s like the damned Infinity Gauntlet, or laxatives, or that freakin’ rap air-horn; in the wrong hands it’s capable of horrible atrocities. So yeah, I have weird issues with the usage of a movie quote and I’m using that to justify a mistake I made on a goofy podcast, but you’re reading it, so I guess we’re all the ones whom Smalls are killing. Yeah… that’s it.

FREE BONUS IDEAS:

  • A beer koozie that says “You’re Chillin’ Me Smalls”
  • A rap album featuring only rhymes about The Sandlot and/or dedications to Biggie called “You’re illin’ Me Smalls”
  • A meme featuring Michael Jackson and the kids from The Sandlot captioned “You’re Thrillin’ Me Smalls”
  • An apron that says “You’re Grillin’ Me Smalls”
  • A porno that I will let you all figure out the name of.
  • A video of the guy who played Ham getting kicked in the crotch and then saying ” You’re Killin’ Me Balls”

You’re welcome folks.